Redefining Success: What Progress Really Looks Like

As a pediatric occupational therapist and a parent of developmental difference in early childhood, I’ve had to completely redefine my understanding of success. Early in my career, I measured progress in a structured way—milestones met, goals achieved, checklists completed. I saw success as something linear, something quantifiable. Then, life taught me otherwise.

For many parents, success in child development is framed by traditional milestones: first steps, first words, sleeping through the night, writing their name. When those milestones come easily, they are celebrated. But what happens when progress doesn’t follow that expected timeline? What happens when success looks completely different than what we imagined?

Shifting the Perspective on Progress

Success for a child with developmental differences isn’t always about reaching a milestone at the expected time. It’s about the small victories that are often overlooked. It’s about resilience, perseverance, and adapting to a world that isn’t always designed for differences.

Some of the most profound progress I have seen in my own child and in the children I work with isn’t reflected on a developmental chart. Progress can be:

-A child making eye contact for the first time after months of avoidance.

-A child trying a new food, even if they don’t swallow it.

-A child tolerating a sensory experience that once led to a meltdown.

-A parent finding new ways to connect and communicate with their child.

Letting Go of Comparison

One of the biggest challenges parents face is resisting the urge to compare. It’s natural to wonder why your child isn’t meeting milestones at the same time as their peers. But comparison often leads to frustration and grief, rather than celebration of what is uniquely unfolding in front of us.

Instead of focusing on where a child "should" be, I encourage parents to ask:

What strengths does my child already have?

-How is my child communicating, even if it’s not with words?

-What brings my child joy?

-How can I support my child in ways that honor their individuality?

Progress is Not Linear

In therapy, we often see progress that moves forward, then backward, then sideways. Some days feel like breakthroughs, while others feel like setbacks. But every experience contributes to growth, even if it doesn’t look the way we expect.

It’s important to recognize that a child’s journey is their own. They are not behind. They are not failing. They are developing in the way that is right for them. Our role, as parents and therapists, is to create an environment where they feel supported, valued, and accepted for who they are—not just for what they achieve.

Living in the Reality of the Day-to-Day

This journey is not tied up neatly with a bow. It’s messy, repetitive, and exhausting. Some days feel like progress, and others feel like an endless loop of the same challenges. This isn’t just the reality for parents of children with developmental differences—it’s the reality of parenting, period.

There are moments of pride, frustration, exhaustion, and uncertainty. And while we may learn to redefine success, that doesn’t mean the process gets easier or that we always feel at peace with it. Some days, redefining success simply means making it through another day.

If you’re in the thick of it, know that you’re not alone. There is no perfect formula, no clear roadmap. It’s okay to feel exhausted. It’s okay to wish things were different. And it’s okay to acknowledge that this is hard—because it is.

-Amy